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ST. Peter

St. Peter greeted two newcomers at the Pearly Gates in Vatican. One was a pope; the other was a lawyer. He ushered The Pope to a small shack and settled him in to his austere quarters; then led the lawyer to a huge, luxuriously appointed mansion.

“I don’t understand,” the lawyer puzzled. “That man was a Pope, and you gave him a shack. And yet, you’ve said I am to live in this luxurious, huge mansion. Why?”

“Sir,” said St. Peter. “We’ve had lots and lots of popes, here. But, you, sir, are our very FIRST lawyer.”

Limousine in Heaven

A Pope died and went to Heaven and was met by St. Peter.

St. Peter greeted him warmly and said, “Sir you have been such a good servant, We would like to offer you anything you want too make you feel at home”.

The Pope said, “I have always thought I would like to drive through Heaven in a long white limousine”.

St. Pete said, “I’m sorry, that’s the one thing that we can’t grant”.

The Pope said, “I understand” and walked away.

About that time, a long white limousine pulled up to the curb and a man got out.

The Pope went back to St. Peter and said, “I thought you didn’t have any limousines in Heaven”.

“I didn’t say we don’t have any, I just said you can’t have one.

The Pope asked, a little dejected, “Who is he and why does he get one?”.

“He is a lawyer,” replied St. Peter.

“I still don’t understand”, protested the Pope.

“Look”, said St. Peter, “We have hundreds of Popes, thousands of cardinals and bishops, but he is the only lawyer…”

Can a woman keep a Secret?

At a dinner party at Kivu Sun Serena Hotel at Gisenyi, several of the guests were arguing whether men or women were more trustworthy. “No woman” said one man, scornfully, “can keep a secret.”“I don’t know about that,” huffily answered a woman guest.

“I have kept my age a secret since I was twenty-one.”“You’ll let it out some day,” the man insisted.

“I hardly think so!” responded the lady. “When a woman has kept a secret for twenty-seven years, she can keep it forever.”

Conversation

Two old Muslims men are strolling down the street of Bagdad, one day when they happen to walk by a Catholic church. They see a big sign posted that says, “CONVERT TO CATHOLICISM AND GET $10.”

One of the Muslim men stops walking and stares at the sign. His friend turns to him and says, “Ismail, what’s going on?”

“Hassan,” replies Ismail, “I’m thinking of doing it.”

Hassan says, “What? Are you crazy?”

Ismail thinks for a minute and says, “Hassan, I’m going to do it!”With that, Ismail strides purposefully into the church and comes out twenty minutes later with his head bowed. “So,” asks Hassan, “did you get your ten dollars?” Ismail looks at him and says, “Is that all you people think about?”

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